What a shocker. Suddenly there are “news” stories populating my Facebook feed telling me about all of the benefits from shutting down the world:

Sea turtles can now lay their eggs on the empty beaches!

Himalayans can now be seen for the first time in decades!

Don’t you see? Humans are such filthy, ruinous creatures. This lockdown is good and should be made permanent.

Keep the humans locked up inside, away from their cars, working online, glued to Netflix, and if you have to make pornography free to mollify them, go ahead. Keep them filtering through those abortion mills, too, so the sea turtles can once again be fruitful and multiply. It’s a better world since the world was shut down, don’t you see?